Do you have eyes on?
Do you have eyes on!?!
If there was one phrase I heard repeated over and over again during my tour, it was this one.
Every single day the same question. “Do you have eyes on?”
Whether we were preparing for inspections on base or executing combat operations in theatre, that same phrase showed up repeatedly.
Getting eyes on, I learned, is more than just looking; it isn’t a mindless act of confirmation bias.
Getting eyes on is the opposite.
Getting “eyes on” is an act of clarity, context, and comprehensiveness.
Were my directions/ instructions clear?
Were they understood in the correct context?
Were they comprehensive enough to get things moving?
Communication mishaps happen because poor communication isn’t a cultural or organizational problem; it’s a human one.
We speak with the curse of knowledge behind us and listen with our agendas in front of us.
Particularly in spaces where power plays a role, being “right” and followed outweighs being accurate and understood.
When something is misunderstood or misconstrued, it is typical to blame the listener.
How many times you’ve said something like, “If you would just listen to me” to someone else?
Communication is first and foremost the responsibility of the speaker.
(*Notice I say first, not ONLY. I’ll have a post about listening next time.)
The quick trigger of blame is so natural in us that even when someone points out an obvious mistake, you’ll hear someone respond with, “Well, you knew what I meant.”
Here is an idea. If we’re going to blame our audience for miscommunications, then shouldn’t they, in turn, get the credit for our successful communication?
Let’s make a rule not to credit the speaker, the poet, the actor, the musician, the CEO, or the ADULTS!!! No, we should all save our congratulations for ourselves, the audience.
That’s right parents, every time your kids actually follow through they get the credit for decipher your confusing communications. I mean if they’re able to understand the message, then it’s they should be rewarded, right?
Maybe there are no great authors, speakers, actors, songwriters, or parents. And what about motivational speakers… I mean, who is motivating who? Or is it whom? Whatever. Throw the parenting books out the window and hope your kid is a communication savant.
We speak daily. We communicate rarely.
If you’ve ever tried to tell someone you care about something important you know firsthand just how difficult communication can be and that’s just with the good news.
I think of communication as a cocktail of skill, art, & passion. Its better stirred…. not shaken. Shake it and it can quickly become a Molotov cocktail that burns things down.
When the message isn’t getting through, the problem lies with the speaker. I’m not saying the speaker is the whole problem. I’ll say the speaker is often most of the problem.
I think there are two broad reasons why our communication is so consistently so poor.
1. Communication requires a clarity that few of us have.
2. Communication requires a presence that few of us know how to give.
Communication aims to move a message, idea, or information from one person to another, keeping the intent, context, and content intact.
In other words, if my audience isn’t able to identify, understand, and comprehend the intent, context, and content of my message, then even if they can repeat it back to me word for word, I still haven’t communicated with them effectively.
So good communication starts with clarity.
The words, tone, and intonation should account for the audience's potential confusion, presumption, and distraction.
As an example, if there is a rumor that the company is going to file for bankruptcy and you don’t account for that when you get up to give your talk the message won’t get through.
I choose my words to limit confusion.
I choose my language with presumptions in mind.
I choose my tone and intonation to battle the myriad of distractions the audience faces.
I bet you’re thinking, “How? How can you do this and still get work done? What about all of us doing two or three jobs at once. We don’t have time for all this linguistic babysitting and semantic gymnastics.”
Okay, what about two things? If I gave you two easy-to-do, easy to repeat, easy to apply practices, could you do them?
Two things to transform the effectiveness of your communication, and they cost you nothing but effort and practice.
The first thing… decide what you want your audience to hear before you speak.
We have been conditioned to figure out what we want/need to say… or vent and then say it in this kind of “I am the SPEAKER, hear me roar!” kind of way.
What if you took what you wanted/needed to say, let’s call it the message, and chose your words based on what you want/need the audience to hear?
The same message but with words chosen from the perspective of the audience, the people you need to “get it”.
The second thing is even easier than the first, ask questions.
That’s it, ask open-ended questions.
Not impatient questions, passive-aggressive questions, or agenda-driven questions, those are the kind of questions that signal incompetence. But you’re THE SPEAKER. You’re the one doing the informing and directing. Of course, you’re prepared, informed, and competent; you have nothing to worry about, so go on invite and encourage questions.
Here is an example of what this might look like:
My message: “We just added a new client. This client will be the largest our company has ever taken on. They’re purchasing our services for all of their 244 locations, and we’ve committed to having everything up and running before Christmas, which is just six months away. I need each department to assign an empowered representative to coordinate their respective department's role in the onboarding process. Tom is the account manager, and he will be spearheading our efforts.”
Then I might ask questions like:
Based on what I just told you, what is something you need to know that I left out?
Does everyone understand why this is such an urgent task? What are your concerns?
Can each department select their representative and connect them to Tom by the end of the week, yes or no?
Does anyone have concerns regarding the timeline of finishing before Christmas?
What is the most important thing that you are taking away from this meeting?
If our communication is important enough to blame someone later, then it’s important enough to ask a question or two right now, don’t you think?
The questions you want to ask will be forms of these three questions,
1. What did you hear me say?
2. What was my message?
3. What was confusing?
Those three things won’t solve every problem, but I promise they’ll put out about half of the communication fires that typically flare-up.
When we decide what we want our audience to hear before we speak we’re putting eyes on the message.
When we ask open-ended questions we’re putting eyes on the audience.
Sociologically there is a contract between each of us.
The contract is simply this; the speaker has the power.
If you’ve ever done any group sharing where you pass around an object, and only the person with the object in hand is allowed to speak, you’ve experienced this in a tangible way.
The person that wants to debate you but won’t let you talk is fighting to hold power, maybe because they know their argument is flimsy, or perhaps they wish to send you a message.
The nervous person that just keeps talking is afraid; they have a sense of powerlessness, and talking is a way to hold some power in an environment where they feel at risk.
Some of wield this power arrogantly, most of us wield it poorly.
No malice just a lack of practice.
Are we looking for validation?
Are we looking for connection?
Do we lack differentiation, so that miscommunications become a personal identity crisis?
Are we differentiated enough that miscommunications can be doorways to growth?
Do we talk to have power over others? (domination)
Do we talk to fill a void trying to feel safe from others? (security)
Do we talk to energize others? (recharge)
Do we talk to empower others? (connection)
